


I want to love but... I think I'll get sick if I do.

by beg_for_forgiveness



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Alienation, Anxiety, But he still struggles to silently define himself without the knowledge of others, Denial of Feelings, Disdain for touch, He also feels rejected, He loves who he loves without labels because fuck the system, I can't handle anything, M/M, Max doesn't give a shit, Max's emotions, Neil is bisexual, Past association issues, Poor Neil feels like he can't help Max, Relationship Issues, So I gave Max my feelings, The dreaded anxiety attack hangovers, They fit well with him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 05:14:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12763920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beg_for_forgiveness/pseuds/beg_for_forgiveness
Summary: Max and Neil, after their time at camp Campbell, managed to stay good friends. Now 17 year old Max and 18 year old Neil discover a hidden emotion between the two of them. Neil is excited to start a new page together but Max..?He may need a painkiller instead.





	I want to love but... I think I'll get sick if I do.

They had been chatting at the end of class, nothing really important or interesting, when Max looked at Neil.   
Really looked at him.  
Appreciated the blue of his eyes and the pink of his lips; Max gave all his attention to the little details of his friend's face for once. Found it charming the way Neil pulled a sort of sideways smile that showed off his perfect teeth and small dimples.   
Max interupted Neil's chatter to slip out his thoughts, without really thinking much about it.   
"Man, when did you get hot?"  
In response, Neil had paused, scanning Max's face for any sign of sarcasm.   
"What?"   
"What." Max shrugged, emoting nothing at all. Why panic? It was too late to retract the statement now.   
Before Neil could say anything more the bell rung for the next class and the dark skinned boy escaped the room with little more than a grunt of farewell.  
The next they saw each other it was time to head home for the day and Neil practically trapped his smaller friend in a corner.  
"Dude, what the fuck. Move."  
"Relax, Max, I just need to ask you something."  
The lack of distance between them made Max uncomfortable, he wanted to take a few steps back, so he could breathe again but Neil blocked all chances of that with his lanky arms.   
"Did you mean what you said earlier?" He spoke lowly, hushed in a way that made Max think he was embarrassed.  
"What? That birds are fucking stupid and have no benefit to the world? Are you a tree humper now or some shit? Did Nikki talk you into joining her-"  
"I mean about you finding me attractive."  
Once again Max's words flew loose without him thinking about it,   
"Yes." He said it too quickly, felt his cheeks run red. Oh well, no big deal he reminded himself.   
"Well..."' Neil began, bringing his face closer to Max so he could speak impossibly lower. "I think you're attractive too."  
There was an awkward moment of silence as Max thought over how to respond; he hadn't even thought of his comment to Neil past the moment it happened but judging by his friend's eyes, so unlike his own in that they hid nothing from others, Neil hadn't stopped thinking about it.   
"So what are you suggesting?" he finally got out, voice laced with suspicion.   
"Well... um..." Neil looked away for a moment, like searching for easedroppers. "What I'm saying is... I've never kissed a boy before and.. um..."  
Max raised a brow. "Smooth."  
"Yeah I know." he agreed, letting out a defeated sigh. "I'm just trying to say I'm... willing to try a.. a relationship if.. if you're interested..?"  
Max shrugged, analyzing every facial expression Neil made. The proposition didn't strike him as anything special, so he nodded and Neil finally removed himself from Max's path.   
"I'll call you later." he conceded, already making his way out the school without looking back.   
Before long the encounter was nothing more than a back memory of what happened. He even almost forgot to call his friend, then considered purposely not calling. He dreaded whenever he had to place phone calls.   
But his good side won over, he dialed Neil's number and chatted for a good four hours.  
The next morning, Max was unclear about the status of their relationship, despite the almost contract like means of establishing it. He thought more about Neil in his confusion however and began to fret at the odd feeling of butterflies.   
Max felt uncomfortable.   
When they finally had another class together, he caught Neil staring on multiple occasions from across the room, making his face light up pink. It didn't help his feelings any, just made him more confused. He'd glance over at Neil, make accidental eye contact and burn up worse at the smile he gave Max.   
He fought the urge to throw something at him, get Neil to stop staring, it made his insides crawl like nervous bugs.  
A month and a half later, Max discovered the status of he and Neil's relationship. Boyfriends. And awkward ones at that... but their attraction ran deep. Max found himself shamelessly flirting, showing off his plush chubby curves that normally he'd be ashamed of but knew Neil found tantalizing. He made sexually coy comments, teasing Neil to no extent but internally panicking whenever his lover leaned in for a kiss. He's return it, if only for a moment, before pulling away. Max found he didn't like kissing, it made him frown deeply in embarrassment, but Neil was patient. He encouraged but did not push.   
Hugs though, Max could handle, he even enjoyed them to an extent, burying his face in the soft neck of his boyfriend and feeling extra warm with both Neil's body heat and his own hoodie.   
One bad days, however, when Max's anxiety ran high and his ability to keep cool dwindled at each sound he heard, hugs very posionous. He'd allow the embrace at first, trying to regulate a little until bile would climb the walls of his throat and Max would rip away.   
He'd say "Don't touch me." and watch the hurt flash over Neil's features. He knew it looked like rejection but he didn't have a choice as he turned away. It was either have a meltdown in front of the one person who doesn't seem him as crazy or go to the nurse, count until the clouds in his vision disapated, and apologize later.   
That night, Neil called worried sick over Max's actions.  
It took him a long time of roundabout arguing before Max gave in and explained it all.  
They move on, Neil now acutely aware of Max's moods and struggling to cope with his inability to help.  
Things are good, Max does his best to work past his anxiety enough to share sweet kisses with the awkward guy he was starting to fall for.   
Neil ditches class to have some alone time with Max; the time turns to touching, Max stripping off his hoodie to be closer to Neil and both exploring uncharted flesh in the privacy of the teachers bathroom (Max snagged the key).   
Neil's face is a soft pink, his boyfriend can feel the hot bloody beneath his skin when he touches him. They feel close but Max still keeps them apart by pressing his feet against Neil's, holding him in place.  
He doesn't seem to mind, he's too busy watching Max with beautiful adoring eyes that makes Max want to die. Neil leans in but the love he is pouring onto Max makes him sick. He pushes Neil away and hisses "Don't touch me." glaring deeply.   
"Wha- but Max-" Neil makes the attempt to get closer again, to which small hands begin to push his face away. "No. Don't look at me."   
"How can I not look at you?"   
"Shut the fuck up." Max looked pissed, shoulders tensed like an angry cat, Neil was more than confused.   
So many emotions passed through Max, his body hurt, his head, he didn't know how to react in the slightest.  
"You're disgusting."  
Max ran when the bell rang, leaving Neil confused and alone.  
His head hurt, his stomah hurt, his thoughts attacked him constantly.... but he thought... Neil's smile alone would be worth the Hell of it all.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I accept requests of any ships!  
> Sorry for any mistakes that were made. I'm awfully tired.   
> Happy Holidays1


End file.
